Workshops for Women

Are you willing to be uncomfortable?

Wow - the last 24 hours have been somewhat hysterical... you see I got a new cell phone. Now my old phone was ancient - truly, but I was comfortable with it. I could make and receive calls, get voicemail, all without stress or thought. Now I can check email, take pictures - video even! Well I could that is, if I could figure out how to work it.... I'm in that uncomfortable place of being new to something. I can't wait till I've practiced it enough that it's routine.

Our relationships can work the same way. Do you ever notice that you are having the same conversation with your daughter (or mother, or spouse or employeer) over and over again? In her book You're Wearing That? Deborah Tannen talks about the three topics mothers and daughter most often argue about: clothing, hair and weight.

A bit sad don't you think? Wouldn't it be fabulous if we were willing to talk about new possibilities, brainstorm ideas together, our values? Are we willing to be clunky with new conversations, like me with my new phone? Getting the value of changing things up and having more meaningful, or effective, or empowering tools in our lives? Being willing to practice, and be uncomfortable at first - for the greater good that will come when those converstions become more common, more fluent, more purposeful?

So today I am declaring that I'll have a conversation this weekend with my daughter - not about the current state of her bedroom, but about her beautiful sense of humor. And how that when I hear her laugh it fills my heart with emotions I can barely express of joy, hope, and a deep happiness. And I will have a conversation with my mother - not filled with all my hopes and excitement over our upcoming training - but about how she continues to model being in service, and how she has taught me to value being a difference in the world by her acts of selflessness. Today for example, she is hand rolling bandages for the hospitals in Kenya. Wow.

Those conversations aren't our typical, but we do have them from time to time. And yes it may be a bit clunky, because it's outside the normal, thoughtless, routine conversations. And it will be worth it! Are there any conversations you would like to declare for this weekend? Email us at info@workshopsforwomen.net to share.

And if you'd truly like to take on learning something new - join us for one of our five 2008 workshops - be it one of our mother/daughter series - or one of our co-ed trainings.

Our next event?  Fearless Dating for single adults in the dating world, March 22nd from 2-4pm.  Check it out under our "Workshops" link or call for more information! 

best

Kelly Sandstrom CPC
Workshops for Women

info@workshopsforwomen.net

503-223-1612

2008 Schedule of Workshops for Women

Ladies and Gentlemen,

In 2008 we will be offering each of our five training once to the community at large here in Portland. That schedule is below. Our first workshop is our mother/daughter communication course called "This Precious Relationship" in January. What a fabulous way to start the New Year! To get an early bird special discount - sign up before December 20th and receive $25 off per ticket.  To redeem enter coupon code "Diva" when promoted during checkout online.   Gift certificates are also available. Put us in your calendar now - and make a committment to your life and relationships! MOTHER/DAUGHTER SERIES: This Precious Relationship - a communication workshop for women, (1 1/2 days) January 26- 27 Claiming Personal Excellence - an exploration of life purpose and values for women (1 1/2 days) May 17-18 Beauty in Three Parts - our self confidence training that covers inner beauty, outer beauty and living your confidence, for women (1 1/2 days) September 27-28 (We encourage women to attend with their mothers or daughters, but also welcome single attendees. Must be 13 to attend - but we've had daughters in their 50's come with their mom's in their 70's!) ADULT SERIES: Fearless Dating - a co-ed training for single adults in the dating world (4 hours) March 22 Pillow Talk - a co-ed communication training for couples in love (4 hours) June 21 Best, Kelly Sandstrom, CPC Founder/Workshops for Women 503-223-1612

The Most Important Questions-

I was so over the top upset.... I took 24 hours just to calm down so I could even have a rational conversation with my daughter... Steve and I spent a glorious week in Paris two years ago. It was amazing, we walked for miles each day exploring the city, the museums, and the shops. Someone recommended we check out a perfume shop in the heart of the city. What an adventure it became! The sales woman talked to me a bit, and then presented four possible choices. Finally in her lovely accent she insisted that one was "the only and obvious choice". But she wouldn't sell it to us - she insisted I wear it for a day to see if we were "compatible." So I spent the day sniffing my wrist, and of course talking myself into the splurge. We tried to go back - but couldn't find the shop. Another day we went back, and it was closed. Finally we got in - and I accidentally bought the wrong perfume. As we left town we went by again - and I finally scored my Iris Poudre. I brought it home and sat in on my shelf, saving it for a special occasion. A few weeks ago I discovered my daughter was using it on letters to her boyfriend. I had one of those over- the-top visceral reactions. I rarely get so upset - so what was going on with me? The bigger our reaction to something,the bigger the lesson to be learned. The first question to ask is: "How did I contribute to this situation?" It's not about being upset with what someone else has or hasn't done. The opposite of empowerment is blaming others for our circumstances or emotions - even though of course it's easy to do. First and always the questions are "What did I choose?" and "What did I get from that choice?" The obvious and simple answer is that I share my beauty products with my daughter, but had never told her how important that particular perfume was to me. Now I could explain it to her, and make a request she choose a different one for her letters. But I was way more upset than that, so I knew there was a bigger lesson for me. After reflection I realized I was upset because I was denying myself the use of this perfume. I was saving if for "someday" as though there might be some magical more-important-day-than-today in my future. I was hoarding it away in fear of running out! So what might have happened if I hadn't had this lesson, is that I might have hoarded that perfume until it went bad never using it at all! Lynndi simply chose the smell she liked best - and used it. What exquisite taste she has! And who even writes letters anymore? Let alone the fact that she created a magical ceremony of adding a touch of perfume to a letter. Truly what a lovely gesture. My being upset had nothing to do with her choices, and everything to do with mine. As usual when we are upset or angry .... it all comes back to looking at our own choices. Personal empowerment comes from continually doing the work of looking at our choices and our results. And yes, as I type this I smell of Iris Poudre. The deeper lesson for me was to remember this day is as magical as any other. This day is my life! And if I forget what I've learned it will be ok, because the beauty of how we work as humans is that I will just create the lesson for myself again in another forum. So if I'm ready to be done with "living in scarcity" then I'll move forward; and if I'm not I'll get another shot at it another day. Our workshops are about this evolution - improving and evolving ourselves and our relationships. We are not about being in breakdown or crisis, but rather about being conscious regarding our choices and our results. It's a journey of asking questions, and of getting real and trusting our answers. You know, looking for the answers beneath the easy and obvious answers. This is why those who attend our workshops get so much value out of their time with us, and why attending one of our trainings is so fun, affirming, and life changing.  We hope to see you in 2008! Best, Kelly Sandstrom, CPC Founder/Workshops for Women 503-223-1612

Making an authentic connection ...

What is it to make a real connection with someone? It's easy to spot when we have it, and sometimes when we miss we might wonder what happened? Why the disconnect?

There is a simple skill we can use to make an authentic connection , and that is the skill of creating rapport. My dear friend Leah is the master of this - and she has inspired this month's "Empowering Thought".

The critical step to creating rapport is a willingness to "be" with another person exactly where ever they might be in the moment. If they are joyful - to meet them in their joyful place, if they are sad to meet them in their sadness, if they are struggling - to acknowledge the struggle.

Even if we think it's our job to help them think or feel something other than what they are thinking or feeling (which it's not by the way) yet even in our desire to help - that cannot happen if we do not have rapport. In order to move forward, we must feel heard, accepted and understood where we are in the moment.

We like to be right about our thoughts and feelings, and when someone is willing to be with us in that place, it gives us permission to relax and acknowledge "Yes, this indeed is where I am, I feel understood." Having someone be with us in this way is very affirming. "No you are not losing your mind - this is a tough moment!"

The opposite of being in rapport is to launch into all the reasons you shouldn't be feeling what you are feeling - or thinking what you are thinking. Or the infamous giving of unsolicited advise. What are we really saying when we tell someone what they should do? We are telling them "I have your answers and since you cannot figure this out for yourself I'll help you out." Why doesn't this work? Well for one reason, my answers would never work for anyone other than me, but the bigger reason is because back to the fact that we like to be right... so if you argue with me about what I'm thinking or feeling or start telling me what to do - my first response as human, will always be fight or flight (ie defending my position - or shutting down on you in some way).

One of the things I love most about my friend Leah, is that she is masterful, absolutely masterful, about being with me where ever I am. She is far more gifted and skilled in this area than I ... and I am inspired and motivated by her gifts to practice this skill on a deeper level. She is compassionate and generous in the way she relates to people. She accepts that each of us are whole and complete and exactly where we need to be right in this moment....whatever that moment looks like. An amazing and inspiring woman indeed.

After Pillow Talk I had a fascinating conversation with an attendee who mentioned she struggled to keep her promises to herself. So I started thinking -what if we applied this same concept to ourselves? Perhaps our resistance to our own goals is that we are not truly accepting where we are in the moment. Perhaps for today, those goals are too much. For example some weeks I might be up for the big bodacious goal of working out every day for a seven days in a row, and some days I might acknowledge that is just not where I am right now. Doing 25 sit ups and drinking six big glasses of water a day for seven days might be more than enough of a stretch for this week. And by getting real about where I am and what is going on for me - my possibility of success will be much greater.

What if we could truly put down our need to fix, to judge, to move, to shift someone else.... what if we could truly practice the art of compassion, of listening, of rapport with everyone with whom we come into contact? Truly accepted that they are exactly where they need to be? And what if we could extend that compassion and rapport to ourselves? An empowering thought indeed: I am exactly where I am suppose to be in this moment. There are lessons for me in this and every situation - that will lead me to a greater understanding of my own authenticity and a deeper and more authentic connection with others. Thank you Leah.

FEARLESS DATING: If making an authentic connection in the dating world is on your list of wants - join us for our co-ed training Fearless Dating on November 10th. We'll spend time figuring out exactly where you are, and who you want to meet. We'll see what's working for you and build on that. We'll practice some new communication skills for the dating world, look at performance barriers, and come up with some new approaches.

Tickets are available online under "Workshops" or by calling 503-223-1612. Please note we do limit this training to 40 attendees - so buy your tickets soon! (Workshop to be held at Souk from 2-6pm).

Best,

Kelly Sandstrom, CPC
Founder/Workshops for Women 503-223-1612

Two events to support Dress for Success

We love the Dress for Success organization and how they support women in being powerful in their lives - so just wanted to let you know about two local Portland events at which you can support this wonderful organization.

November 1st, 6pm A fashion show and shopping! 

INC Clothing and Instyle will be presenting a fashion show in the newly remodeled Macy's downtown.  Tickets for the event are $10 per person, and that money goes straight to Dress for Success.  Not only that - but if you attend you get a $10 gift certificate to use at Macy's.  Talk about a win/win!  Tickets can be purchased by calling 1-877-340-4386  ext #3.  Hurry - they are only offering 100 seats.

November 14th 4:30-7:30pm The Art of Accessorizing!

At the Governor Hotel no less.  Local artists and boutiques will be offering you a jump start on your holiday shopping, while you sip your drink, much on hors d'oeuvre and shop till you drop.  Tickets are $35 and can be purchased by calling 503-249-7300 or at www.dressforsuccess.org/oregon

We'll be there - hope you will too!

best

Kelly Sandstrom

Workshops for Women

Don't forget to join us for Fearless Dating on November 10th! 

Owning your Power and Beauty -

If you've done any work with us at all, you know we are very big on the concept of owning our power and beauty. This principle is the constant in all of our programs (yes, even our Pillow Talk for Couples in Love). So what is it to be a woman who owns her power and beauty?

It's about time for the CMT (Country Music Awards) again. I happened to catch the end of that program last year - when Carrie Underwood won best music video of the year for her video "Next Time He'll Think".

Now in case you don't know, the CMT awards are given based on fan votes. What I found fascinating was the video itself - the premise if this: next time he'll think before he cheats, and the next time he cheats it won't be on me. In the video Carrie plays a woman who catches her boyfriend cheating on her.... and proceeds to take her keys to the paint of his little red sports car. But it doesn't end there.... she takes a hammer to his headlights..... a knife to his upholstery (carving her initials of course).... and by the end she's got a sledgehammer and that car is toast.

Now I appreciate the "you go girl" positive intention behind all those votes ... but let's think about this for a moment. Imagine if you will that instead of "Carrie" , her name were "Karl". And imagine in Karl's video he catches his girlfriend cheating on him.... so he takes his keys to her car...... then a hammer.......then a knife..... then a sledgehammer. Now how do we feel about this? Karl would have a serious public relations issue on his hands. He'd be making the news for all the wrong reasons - and we'd be writing letters in outrage for promoting violence against women.

Owning your power and beauty does not mean taking on a behavior we would abhor in a man. It does not mean being bitchy in the boardroom, manipulative or controlling in our relationships, prejudice or snobby in our little clicks. Owning our beauty doesn't mean we're stuck up, arrogant or full of ourselves. When did we decide all that? Let's be clear - we have an opportunity to model a different way of being in the world.

Let's consider Maya Angelou for example. Here is a woman who has know some serious circumstances in her life - and she's made some rather interesting choices as well. She was separated from her parents at a very young age, raised by her Grandmother and a disabled Uncle. She knew poverty, prejudice, hardship. She was raped as a young girl. She was a single teen mom who was separated from her son for long stretches of time. She experienced her son being kidnapped. She worked in a dance club as a dancer - she was a prostitute in a brothel.

But somewhere along her journey, she overcame past circumstances and choices to recognize her unique power which lies in her gift of intelligence and brilliant writing. She recognized her beauty - which shows up in the way she carries herself and in her poetry like "Phenomenal Woman" (on our website for your referral). She recognized, claimed and used her unique gifts in the world. And out of that she has created not only fame and fortune - but she has been a positive difference in the lives of countless others. THIS is an example of owning your power and beauty.

As Marianne Williamson so eloquently wrote - "Letting your own light shine, unconsciously gives others permission to do the same". So whatever it looks like to you -lay claim to your power, your beauty, your uniqueness. Your contribution in the world is one only you can make, and by making it you get to live the fullest expression of your own authenticity and joy.

Please join us for one of the last two training of 2007! We do so appreciate your spreading the word about Workshops for Women by forwarding our email to your friends.

Pillow-Talk: A communication workshop for couples in love. Coming up quickly on October 20th from 2-6pm.

We will be working with some very tangible communication skills to help you say what you mean, get what you want, and understand what is being said to you. We'll look at how you each communicate love, and take some time to explore all the is wonderfully working in your unique relationship. Cost is $75 per couple. (Single seats are available as well).

Fearless Dating: A workshop for single adults in the dating world will be held on November 10th from 2- 6pm.

Learn to overcome nerves to show up as your authentic self, learn to work with communication skills and to trust your intuition so that you can create a real connection - and a fabulous dating experience for yourself. Be clear about who you are looking to find, and how to get out of your own way. Tickets are $45 per person.

Best,

Kelly Sandstrom,

CPC

I've seen a few bathrooms in my day -but this one changed my life.

In the journey of my life, I've seen a few interesting bathrooms.

My dad was a commercial fisherman by trade, and when I was young I remember visiting his fishing boat in some pretty interesting places .... with some pretty down and dirty bathrooms.  I didn't know enough to be afraid of those places at the time, but I did understand they smelled terrible and were filthy.... now I'd be terrified!  I'd be imagining an ax murdered hiding somewhere nearby in all those rundown buildings and scary looking pieces of scrap metal.

Then there was this one bathroom in Italy which consisted of paint in the shape of two shoes, placed somewhat strategically over a hole in the floor ...... or the time there was a mommy mouse and her three baby mice running across the floor in a very swank bathroom in Los Angeles.... or Bar 89 in New York where the doors to the co-ed stalls are clear glass, until you lock them and then they turn opaque white.

Not to be outdone, here in Portland we have Solo.  In that bathroom you are faced with a giant flat screen TV showing you live video feedback of what is happening in the bar.  It's very disconcerting - if I can see them......can they see me?   

Do we even want to talk about rest stops along the freeway?  Well you get the idea, there have been a few interesting bathrooms in my day.

But there was also a bathroom that changed my life forever.  Seriously!  Way before I had ever heard of coaching, or accountability, or personal empowerment, or thought much about personal values or life purpose - ontological what?  Heidegger?  ARRGH.  Are you kidding me???  Long before all of that, I was visiting a new friend and had gone into her bathroom.  And on the wall there was the most astonishing piece of writing I have ever experienced.  To this day it gives me chills to read it.  In fact this morning I recited this piece to a new friend (Deborah) at Starbucks ..... and it gave us both chills.  It was a piece written by Marianne Williamson in her book A Return to Love, and I thought you might like to revisit with me, so here we go:

Our Greatest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

We never know how some small act, like placing a favorite reading out on display in our home might forever alter another's life.  But it is so very possible.  This piece captures everything that we are about at Workshops for Women, it is the very essence of the message we so love to share.

May all your bathroom experiences be good ones. 

Kelly Sandstrom CPC
Workshops for Women

Ruth Johnston - a Powerful Woman

Growing up, I didn't necessarily appreciate or recognize what powerful women were in my family.

I spent so much of my high school years wanting to be anywhere but where I was, struggling with the values my family held so dear, thinking all those values were so old fashioned and out of date.

At the ripe age of 43, now perhaps I have more perspective.  And as always, when we lose a family member to cancer, we pause to reflect and remember what a profound difference someone had on our lives.

Aunt Ruth was always so proper.  A dainty woman with fine features and the palest of skin.  Yet she was a fisherman's wife through and through.  How did any of those amazing women in my family manage to live so independently while their husbands were out at sea for months on end - handling all of the bills, the kids, the household management - keeping the faith - keeping the family whole and healthy?  And then home comes the husband, and everything would shift -  truly there is some grit, some determination, some commitment, some love, huh?

Empowerment isn't about being loud or splashy or controlling.  It's about living your own unique brand of power - and Aunt Ruth lived hers in such a calm and beautiful way.

While it took me a few years to recognize the empowerment of the amazing women in my family, I see it now.  There lives were so much different than ours today.... I am so spoiled with the conveniences of my life, and the glorious husband of mine that I get to see almost every day, curl up with in our warm bed at night and hold tight.

I didn't know her well, but from afar I knew what she stood for, what she believed, who she was.  And by that I remain inspired.  That is the beauty of living our power, even from afar we change lives.  My life, and therefore any lives that I touch have been changed because of Aunt Ruth.

Much love to you Uncle Oren Jr.  You have been blessed indeed.

xo

Kelly Sandstrom CPC
Workshops for Women

Being a difference in the world -

There is no better beauty secret - than to live your life passion.

Special thanks to one of our recent attendees for sending this comment our way - I can assure you, the Workshops for Women team is glowing.

"I can't tell you how much that workshop affected my daughter. It's funny because before the workshop she was a "why is this happening to me" person.....Now she says (outloud) I am a strong and powerful woman and I can make good changes in my life. I can face anything with God and my Mom in my corner.....still brings tears to my eyes. I will never be able to express my thanks enough for what you do. Thank you so much! "

We appreciate the feedback.  But of course, the only one who can change your life is you.  Congrats - and thank you for the feedback that we are making a difference.  It is a huge honor to be on the journey with you.

best

Kelly Sandstrom CPC
Workshops for Women

Pat

For the attendees of Beauty in Three Parts: Climbing the Castle Stairs

Ladies,

More of the info you requested.

Best
Kelly Sandstrom/Workshops for Women team

“Climbing the Stairs of the Castle”

Legacy / Spirituality

What do you want your granddaughter/niece

to remember about you?

Identity

“Who do you say you are?”

Values

“What inner qualities

are important to you?”

Capabilities

“With the body you have now,

what are you capable of?”

Practices

“What do you do,

regularly, to promote

your unique beauty?”

Body Beautiful

“What are the “gifts”

that you see in your

physical body?”